The Soft Life and Black Women Choosing Ease, Love, and Luxury with "Can’t Get Enough" by Kennedy Ryan

Octavia Marie: 00:00:37

Hey guys, this is Octavia and this is the podcast Cultural Lit.

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And today it's a little bit of a

rant for me, but it goes along with

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what I've been talking about lately.

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We're unpacking a movement that's

rewriting the narrative for black

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women globally, and something

that's been on my mind for a while

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now, the concept of soft life.

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And what it means

specifically for black women.

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If you've been anywhere on social

media lately, you've likely seen

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this term floating around from

TikTok to Instagram to Twitter.

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Black women are leading conversations

about choosing ease, softness,

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and intentional living, but

what does it actually mean?

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What does it look like in practice?

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And how does it show up in the books we

read, especially in romance novels where

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black women are the lead characters.

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Today we're talking about all of that.

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We're talking about the evolution from

struggle, love narratives to luxury

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care and intentional romance real.

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We are looking at how social media

is shaping what love and ease should

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look like for black women, And we

are examining why there's such a

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visceral reaction when black women

visibly choose comfort and ease.

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The Duchess Megan of Sussex

discourse being a perfect example.

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This isn't just about bath

salt in scented candles.

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It's about dismantling centuries

of expectation, redefining worth,

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and claiming joy as a birthright.

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I'm also excited to discuss some

of the thoughts about Kennedy.

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Ryan's upcoming novel, can't Get Enough,

which features Hendrix, who I've been

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waiting on, a character who embodies

the soft life ethos in so many ways.

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This is the third book in Ryan's

Skyland series set to be released on

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May 13th, 2025, and I was so fortunate

enough to grab a copy, even though I

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already pre-ordered my physical copy.

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Okay, so grab your favorite beverage,

get comfortable, and let's jump in.

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Before we cover Romance book specifically,

I want to talk about something

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that's been happening in real time

that perfectly illustrates society's

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complicated relationship with black

women, choosing ease and comfort.

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The response to Duchess Megan

Sussex new Netflix show with Love.

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Megan, if you haven't heard about it, the

show premiered just recently on Netflix.

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In each episode, the Duchess of Sussex

shares her favorite recipes her hosting

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tips with friends in this gorgeous

California country house setting.

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Pretty standard lifestyle content,

the kind of thing we've seen from

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Martha Stewart and Ina Garden

and Nella Lawson for decades.

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The show has been a hit holding

steadily in Netflix, top 10, with

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viewers searching frantically for

every pot knife and apron featured.

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Netflix has already renewed it for a

second season, but the response from some

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quarters has been, uh, telling comments,

calling her fake narcissistic, not an

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original idea in her overinflated mind.

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British tabs like the sun posting,

tiktoks calling the show cringe.

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The virtual is palpable and it

makes you wonder what exactly

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is so threatening about a black

woman frosting Honey lemon cake.

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About a black woman living a life

of comfort and ease about a black

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woman, having staff enjoying

beautiful surroundings and sharing

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that aesthetic with viewers.

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To me, the disdain is rooted in

our societies inability to watch

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black women live a life of ease.

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We're not supposed to cut fresh flowers or

make rainbow fruit trays for our children.

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We are not allowed the

luxury of time or autonomy.

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We can't enjoy tender kisses on

our foreheads from our spouses.

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Megan represents something that

makes people deeply uncomfortable.

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A black woman who has chosen a

path of comfort, beauty, and ease.

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As TikTok or Auntie Buffy

said in defense of the show.

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This is what the girls wanna see.

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It's called aspirational television.

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People are mad because they can't

accept a black woman having nice

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things and enjoying them publicly.

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This isn't just about a Netflix show.

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It reveals a much deeper cultural

discomfort with black women prioritizing

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themselves, their comfort and their joy.

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It's exactly why the concept of soft

life has resonated so powerfully

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with so many black women because it

represents a necessary reclaiming.

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So what exactly is this soft life that's

become such a cultural touch point?

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Let's begin with a definition.

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The soft life is a lifestyle trend that

emerged from African digital communities,

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particularly Nigeria around 2021.

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It's a rejection of the grind

culture, a prioritization of peace,

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and a radical embrace of ease.

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For black women, it's a rebellion.

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To understand why this is

revolutionary, we must rewind.

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Enslaved black women were forced

to labor through pregnancy, nurture

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white children before their own and

endure violence without protest.

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Post emancipation, the mammy archetype,

the selfless, strong sexless character

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became a tool to justify exploitation.

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And then fast forward to today, black

women are still expected to be the

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backbone of families, workplaces, and

movements Often at the cost of our health,

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The soft life is about intentionally

pursuing an easy and peaceful existence.

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It's a lifestyle of comfort and relaxation

with minimal challenges and stress.

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The ultimate goal is to thrive and

enjoy life without having to endure

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unnecessary hardships, pain, or burdens.

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But here's what the soft life is not.

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It's not about flamboyant expressions

of materialism or wealth, typically

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associated with a life of leisure.

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It's about what day-to-day

ease could look like.

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a life of simplicity, benefiting peace,

tenderness, vulnerability, slow living.

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Intentionality and purpose.

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Black women all over the world

have been embracing this concept.

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Olympic Track Star, Raven Rogers has

spoken about how pursuing a soft life

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made her a better athlete and person.

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SSA advocates for self living

through her music and social media.

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Simone Biles Owen showed the world what

prioritizing yourself looks like when she

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stepped back from the Tokyo Olympics in

: 2021

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That was a powerful moment of

choosing softness over expectation.

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And then there's Duchess Megan of Sussex.

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whose Netflix show with love Megan, a

cozy aesthetic celebration of hosting

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and homemaking ignited Ol critics

called her Pretentious Out of Touch,

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but when Martha Stewart does the same,

she's lauded as a lifestyle guru.

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The difference.

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Megan's refusal to perform

struggle as a black woman,

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but the subtext is very clear.

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Black women must be

either martyrs or mammies.

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Never complex, never soft.

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Megan's crime isn't her wealth, it's her

audacity to exist outside the narrow road.

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Society allows us The soft life

is how modern day black women

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are fighting against stress,

trauma, depression, and racism.

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It's about reclaiming our livelihood and

incorporating balance into our lives.

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It means making decisions that lead

to our enjoyment and asking the

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question, what does it truly mean to

live outside the struggle of survival?

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To truly obtain a soft life, we

must unlearn being identified as

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quote unquote strong black women.

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But how do we do that?

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When, as Malcolm X said, the

most disrespected person in

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America is the black woman.

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And that brings us to an important

piece of the puzzle, the harmful,

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strong black woman archetype that

we've all been conditioned to

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accept and embody as children.

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Young black girls are taught that we

must show up and be better than others.

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We're told that being resilient

and enduring pain is a

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personal victory and triumph.

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We have to work twice as hard and prove

ourselves in society, but at what cost?

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Black women face significant health

risks because of this expectation.

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The chronic stress that comes

from just living day to day.

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The wear and tear of doing it all

leads to serious health issues.

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Studies show that black women

experience a 26% higher chance of

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coronary heart disease, partly due

to the racism we face in employment.

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Housing in interactions with police,

and if a black woman chooses to

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bring a child into the world, she

faces the highest maternal mortality

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rate in the United States, 69 0.9

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per every 100,000 live births, almost

three times the rate of white women.

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We are 40% more likely to experience

hypertension by the age of 35.

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The quote unquote strong black

woman isn't a compliment.

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It's a death sentence.

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And then there's the economic toll.

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Black women make 67 cents for every

dollar paid to white non-Hispanic men.

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Okay.

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We face wage gap differences,

socioeconomic disparities,

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systematic issues, gender bias,

occupational segregation, and

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lack of career advancement.

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Taraji p Henson recently vocalized this

frustration when discussing her pay

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throughout her successful active career.

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Quote, I'm just tired of working so

hard, being gracious at what I do,

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getting paid a fraction of the cost.

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Many of us felt that in our souls, because

we live it every day, the expectation

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of strength has not protected us.

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It's harmed us, and that's why the

soft life movement is so revolutionary.

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It's not just about luxury,

it's about survival.

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It's about saying, I deserve

to live, not just exist.

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I deserve peace, not just endurance.

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And this is where I kind of wanna pivot

to how romance novels, particularly those

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featuring black women protagonists, have

become important blueprints for imagining

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what a soft life could look like.

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They show us black women being

pampered, loved, prioritized,

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and loved intentionally.

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There's been a beautiful

evolution in Black Romance.

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Over the years we've moved away from

narrative centered exclusively on

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pain and endurance to stories that

celebrate joy, ease and intentional love.

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These books don't just entertain us.

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They expand our imagination

about what's possible In Tia

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Williams seven days in June.

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Tia gives us a story of healing,

passion, and emotional safety.

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Evil.

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Mercy is a single mother with chronic

pain who finds her way back to her first.

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Love a man who sees all of

her and loves her completely.

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It's a book that shows that softness

isn't just about material comfort,

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it's about emotional safety too.

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And then in Kennedy, Ryans before I

let go, the first book in the Skyland

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series, she explores soft love,

second chances, and emotional death.

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it follows Yasmine and Josiah as they

find their way back to each other

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after divorce and devastating loss.

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This book shows us that softness

can also include the bravery to be

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vulnerable again after Heartbreak.

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Pharaoh Rashaan iss, the Boyfriend Project

shows us black women choosing themselves

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first, forming a sisterhood based on

mutual support after they've discovered

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they've been catfished by the same man.

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It's about creating the conditions for

softness in your life by establishing

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boundaries and surrounding yourself

with people who affirm your worth.

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Honor Ray Fanon Jeffers, the love

songs of We deis takes us on a

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journey of softness, legacy, and

self-discovery that spans generations.

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It reminds us that choosing a

life can be an act of reclamation

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after generations of hardship.

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It reminds us that choosing a soft

life can be an act of reclamation

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after generations of hardship.

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And in Tia Williams,

a love song for Ricky.

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Wow.

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It gives us opulence,

intentional love and finding joy.

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The main character discovers a

different way of being through a

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romance with a man who introduces

her to a world of sensuality and

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beauty she never knew existed.

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And then talking about the epitome

of what the soft life can look like.

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Let's talk about Kennedy.

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Ryan's upcoming book Can't Get Enough.

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This is the third in her Skyland

series, and I was lucky enough to

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receive an advanced reader copy.

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And let me tell you, Hendricks

Barry is the soft life personified.

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I.

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Hendricks is what many

would call a rich auntie.

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She's successful, self-made.

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She lives luxuriously and

is childless by choice.

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She's plus size brown skin and

completely comfortable in her skin.

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She's the kind of character we don't often

get to see centered in romance novels.

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A woman who has built her

life exactly how she wants it.

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And what makes her story particularly

powerful is that Kennedy Ryan doesn't

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shy away from the complexities.

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Hendricks may have wealth and success,

but she's also dealing with her

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mother's advancing Alzheimer's and

the responsibilities of caregiving.

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this juxtaposition, shows

us something important.

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That the soft life isn't about

the absence of challenges.

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It's about creating a space for

joy and ease, even while navigating

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life's inevitable difficulties.

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Maverick Bell.

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Yeah, he's one of my new

favorite book boyfriends.

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But he's particularly noteworthy in

how he approaches loving Hendricks.

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He's intentional, he's attentive

and completely serious about

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her from the beginning.

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He pursues her with

purpose and consistency.

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There's no guessing, no games,

just the man who sees a woman he

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wants and makes it clear through

his actions as well as his words.

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One reader called him the best parts of

Keenan Ross, cannon Holt and Judah Cross.

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And if you're familiar with

Kennedy, Ryan's other works,

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you know that's high praise.

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Indeed.

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Maverick represents the kind of

partner who facilitates a woman's soft

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life, not through financial support

Because Hendricks is doing fine in

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that department, but through emotional

presence and unwavering support, their

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relationship gives us a beautiful example

of what grownup love can look like.

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Passionate but stable.

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Exciting but reliable.

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They face challenges together,

particularly around Hendrick's

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mother's health and her own fear of

vulnerability, But there's never any

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doubt about their commitment to each

other's wellbeing and happiness.

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This is what so many of us

are craving, not just in

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fiction, but in our real lives.

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Partners who are invested in our peace

and comfort, who see supporting our

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joy as part of loving us as well.

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L and then.

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I want to address

something very important.

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The misconception that the

soft life is only accessible to

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those with wealth or privilege.

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That simply isn't true.

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Softness isn't a privilege, it's a right.

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Every black woman deserves care,

ease and tenderness regardless

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of income level or social status.

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and Mavyret Bell in can't get enough.

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Exemplifies that.

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Society has conditioned us to believe

that black women should be quote

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unquote strong instead of soft.

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That we should endure rather

than rest, that we should give

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endlessly rather than receive.

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This conditioning serves

everyone except us.

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The truth is that soft

love isn't about wealth.

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It's about being valued.

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Care for and prioritize.

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It's about having our needs

recognized and met, whether by

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ourselves or by those who love us.

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It's about creating environments where

we can be vulnerable, where we can rest,

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where we can experience joy without guilt.

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And romance novels challenge

harmful narratives about what

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black women should accept in love.

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They show us black women setting

boundaries, walking away from

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relationships that don't serve

us, and finding partners who

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are invested in their happiness.

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These aren't just fictional scenarios.

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They're permission slips.

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They tell us you deserve this too.

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When we talk about luxury and love,

what are we really talking about?

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It's multifaceted.

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There is emotional luxury.

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There's a luxury of time and

attention, and yes, sometimes

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there was material luxury too.

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Emotional luxury is having a

partner who understands your needs

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and meeting them consistently.

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It's being with someone who makes

space for your feelings, who

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supports your dreams, who shows

up for you in ways that matter.

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It's having someone who checks in,

who remembers the little things, who

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celebrates your birthday, who makes you

feel safe enough to be your full self.

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Then there's the luxury of time

and attention in our busy world.

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Someone choosing to give you their

undivided focus is increasingly rare.

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Having a partner who prioritizes

quality time with you, not

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just in 30 minute acceptance.

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Who isn't constantly distracted by their

phone or other obligations when you're

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together, who makes plans and keeps them.

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There's a form of luxury that

has nothing to do with money.

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And yes, there can be material aspects to

luxury, and love as well, travel, leisure,

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self-care experiences shared together.

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But these aren't prerequisites

for a self-love life.

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They're enhancements, not foundations.

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What we're seeing now is the rise of

black women dating with high standards and

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walking away from quote unquote struggled.

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Love the idea that relationships have

to be difficult to be valid or valuable.

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We are recognizing that

love shouldn't deplete us.

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It should replenish us.

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Romance novels teach us about

boundaries, self-worth, and not settling.

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They show us women who know their

value and the men who recognize it too.

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They give us examples of relationships

where both people are invested in each

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other's happiness and wellbeing, where

love and care flow in both directions.

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This is the standard we deserve, not

as an aspiration, but as a baseline.

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So how do we move toward embodying the

soft life philosophy in our own lives?

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I know it can seem daunting, especially

when we've been conditioned to

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prioritize everyone else's needs.

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Above our own Licensed psychologist

Taisha Caldwell Harvey, founder of the

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Black Girl Doctor, reminds us that a

one size fits all approach to mental

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health care and wellness is ineffective

because our experiences of stress

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and is triggers very significantly

based on our individual identities.

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This means your soft life

might look different from mine,

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and that's perfectly fine.

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Here are some practical

steps we can all take.

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First Therapy can be an incredibly

valuable tool if it's accessible to you.

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Having a space to unpack patterns

and beliefs that keep us trapped

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in cycles of overworked self

neglect can be transformative.

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Prioritize your mental and

emotional health by getting enough

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sleep, eating well, and moving

your body in ways that feel good.

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Remember that self-care isn't selfish.

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It's necessary.

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Create small pockets of

softness in your day.

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maybe it's a 10 minute meditation,

journaling, or simply sitting quietly

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with a cup of tea time being finite.

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we'll never get these moments back.

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Set a word for the year.

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Create goals and check in monthly

to see how you're progressing.

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Having the intention behind your actions

helps align your daily choices with your

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deeper values, connect with community

and particularly other black women who

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understand your experiences and support

your journey toward ease and comfort

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travel when you can, even if it's just

to a nearby town you've never explored.

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Experiencing new places can shift

perspective in powerful ways.

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Treat yourself to small luxuries,

a bubble bath flowers for your

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home, a massage when possible.

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These aren't frivolous.

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They're reminders that you deserve

beauty and comfort in your life.

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A soft life for black women provides

creativity, slowness, and freedom.

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It allows you to reclaim time and

pour into our mental health with

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intention behind everything we do.

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It it's not about having it all.

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It's about defining what all means to

you and pursuing it unapologetically.

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And I want to leave you with some

specific book recommendations

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that embody the soft life ethos

and show black women being loved.

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Well, and I've mentioned several

of these before, but here's

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a more comprehensive list.

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Seven days in June by Tia

Williams, a story of healing,

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passion, and emotional safety.

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Before I let go by Kennedy Ryan, soft

love, second chances and emotional death.

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Can't get enough by Kennedy Ryan.

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As you can tell, I'm a Kennedy

Ryan fan, but it's the ultimate

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Rich Auntie gets her happy.

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Ending The Boyfriend Project

by Pharaoh rashaan, black women

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Choosing Themselves first.

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A Love song for Ricky Wildes by

Tia Williams Opulence, intentional

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Love and Finding Joy, honey and

Spice Campus Romance with Sharp

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Dialogue and Tender Moments.

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You made a fool of death with your beauty.

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This one was a journey through grief,

tort, new Love The Wedding Date.

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It's a series by JM Guillory.

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Fun affirming romances where

black women are cherished.

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Get a Life.

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Chloe Brown by T Hibbard, a chronically

ill black woman, finds a partner

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who supports her exactly as she is.

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Each of these books shows us different

facets of what soft love can look like.

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They give us black women who are fully

realized complex individuals, finding

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partners who value them completely

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As Nina Simone said, an artist's duty,

as far as I'm concerned, is to reflect

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the times, the rise of soft life.

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Romance novels featuring black women

characters reflects our collective desire

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for care, ease, and intentional love.

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They're not just entertainment, They're

roadmaps towards a different way of

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being rather than dealing with stress.

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Trauma, depression, and racism as an

inevitable part of black womanhood,

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we deserve day-to-day lives of ease.

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We deserve partners who are

invested in our comfort and joy.

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We deserve communities

that support our wholeness.

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The soft life isn't selfish.

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It's sustainable.

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It's not indulgent.

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It's essential For too long, black

women have carried everyone else's

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burdens while neglecting our own needs.

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The soft life movement is about

rectifying that imbalance.

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So I encourage you to ask yourself,

what would a soft life look like for me?

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what small steps can I take today

toward more ease and intentionality?

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What does luxury and love

mean to me specifically?

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and most importantly, how can I begin

to practice the radical act of believing

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I deserve these things, not as distant

aspirations, but as my birthright.

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And that's all for today.

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on the

soft life and what it means to you.

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What books have given

you a soft life vibe?

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Drop a comment or DME on Instagram at

becoming Octavia with your favorites.

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: 00:25:57

Next episode, I'm gonna dive into

another interesting question.

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Should black women date outside their

quote unquote type to find love?

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: 00:26:07

Make sure you subscribe

so you don't miss it.

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Until next time, remember, choosing

softness isn't a weakness, it's wisdom.