Episode 5
Embracing Second Chances
Welcome back! I’ve had a few curve balls thrown at me since my last episode and I’m glad you’re back with me.
The biggest thing I’ve had to deal with was a surprise diagnosis of Stage 3 colorectal cancer, which has influenced my approach to hardship and inspired me to dive deep into literature for solace. Among the books I read during treatment was Kennedy Ryan's 'Before I Let Go', a complex tale of love, grief, reconciliation and healing that uniquely highlights the experience of a divorced couple. The story's themes of self-compassion, therapy culmination into growth and resilience resonates deeply with me, encouraging me through my own recovery.
The book also makes a mark with its dual-narrative structure, realistic portrayals of flawed characters and the enticing inclusion of southern cuisine. It’s a lovely reminder that relationships are a journey, and that true love can find its way back even after devastating losses.
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Culture Lit is a community in celebration of black women and black love, and a reminder that black women deserve joy, love, success, second chances, and all the beautiful magic the world has to offer.
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Transcript
As 2022 came to a close, my world was turned upside down.
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:What I thought would be a
routine colonoscopy revealed I
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:had stage 3 colorectal cancer.
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:Shit, I was still navigating the
aftermath of COVID, lockdown,
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:and being outside again.
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:Pondering the direction
I wanted for my life.
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:What I landed on Was refusing
to tiptoe through life, only to
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:arrive safely at death's door.
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:What I learned from my journey
through treatment is that,
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:in this lifetime, if you're
lucky, you'll get a hundred years.
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:Yet, it'll never be enough.
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:There's always more to see, more to do.
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:And more to become.
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:So I chose not to tiptoe.
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:I choose to take up space, make an
entrance, and walk the path less traveled.
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:And when necessary, I'll forge my own way.
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:I will never allow myself to be small or
molded into someone else's version of me.
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:I ain't tiptoeing anymore.
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:Few people may remember I was
here, but those who knew me
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:will say she was fearless.
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:Not because I was devoid of
fear, but because I never
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:let fear dictate my journey.
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:Let's create memories.
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:Take that leap and do it
even when we're scared.
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:Because remember, we ain't tiptoeing.
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:I'm diving back in and bringing
more of my culture led podcast,
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:delving into the world of Black
love and Black romance novels.
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:During my treatment and now through
my recovery, of which I'm still on the
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:road to recovery, I embrace my love
of romance novels to get me through.
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:In keeping with that theme of
embracing second chances, today I
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:have an amazing novel to discuss.
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:One that delves into the
complexities of love, Loss,
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:and the journey to rediscover it.
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:Join me as I embark on the powerful
journey within the pages of
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:Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan.
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:Before I Let Go features a
divorced couple, Yasmin and Josiah.
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:This novel stands out from other
romance novels by portraying the
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:journey of a divorced couple.
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:Now that's a thing not
commonly explored in the genre.
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:They are very broken as
a couple and as a family.
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:They've been divorced for about two years.
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:They have two children, but they own
a business that they run together, a
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:restaurant in Atlanta called Grits.
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:It brings a sense of maturity and
relatability to the story, delving into
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:the complexities of adult relationships.
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:Yasmin and Josiah find themselves in
therapy and co parenting their children.
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:Their divorce was not an easy
decision, and the reasons behind
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:it are devastatingly relatable.
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:Their journey towards reconciliation
is both heart wrenching
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:and inspiring.
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:Through the dual perspectives
of Yasmin and Josiah,
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:we witnessed Their imperfections,
their struggles, and their growth.
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:It's a reminder that relationships are
a journey, and true love can find its
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:way back even after devastating losses.
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:Another captivating aspect of the book
is its integration of southern cuisine.
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:For all the food enthusiasts out there,
this novel serves up a delightful treat
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:with its mouth watering descriptions and
the inclusion of some incredible recipes.
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:I'm not a chef, so I
haven't tried any of the
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:in the book.
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:Prepare to savor the flavors and aromas
as you immerse yourself in the story.
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:One of the central themes in
Before I Let Go is the importance
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:of healing and self discovery.
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:Yasmin's journey in therapy
resonates so deeply with many
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:readers, including myself.
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:Learning to be gentle with oneself,
that's something I've had to
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:struggle with during my treatment.
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:And so I completely understand,
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:learning to forgive our failures
and grain ourselves some grace.
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:These are some vital lessons
we can all relate to.
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:It's empowering to see these
concepts normalized and
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:integrated into the storytelling.
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:Before I Let Go takes us on an emotional
rollercoaster as we witness the couple's
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:profound despair and brokenness.
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:Yasmine and Josiah face
unimaginable losses.
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:These events take a toll on
their relationship plunging them
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:into deep depression and grief.
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:However,
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:the story also offers
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:glimmers
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:of
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:Octavia Marie: hope and joy,
reminding us that even amidst
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:the darkness, there is hope.
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:Love and happiness can find a way,
and I needed that during my treatment.
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:There were some moments where I
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:could have gone down
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:a rabbit hole of depression, but reading
and reading this story and some of the
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:other novels that I read during treatment
helped me to stay above all of that.
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:But there's also this chemistry
between Josiah and Yasmin
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:that's kind of a slow burn.
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:I usually like
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:romance
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:novels a little bit more spicy, but
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:you can feel the attraction
is palpable between them.
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:Even though they're not a couple during
a big portion of the book, there's still
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:some real chemistry, you can feel it.
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:Which leads to a very
spicy garage sex scene.
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:I'm not gonna provide any spoilers there,
I'mma let you read that on your own.
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:When we start the book, Yasmin
has already been in therapy.
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:She's on antidepressants.
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:She's on the upswing.
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:And I think readers sometimes
get the impression Kennedy Ryan's
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:books are sad and heart wrenching.
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:Now don't get me wrong, Before
I Let Go definitely has some of
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:that, but there's also so much joy.
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:One of the great things about Before
I Let Go is that it's told from a
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:dual perspective, and I like that.
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:The book would have still been amazing
told from Jasmine's perspective,
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:but then as you get into the therapy
aspect of it, I think it's critical
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:in understanding what this couple is
going through, and I think getting these
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:moments of Josiah and his point of view.
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:are critical in this book.
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:I think having Josiah's point of
view was a much more immersive
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:storytelling experience.
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:Neither Josiah or Yasmin are perfect
characters and that's a good thing.
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:You're not going to agree with all of
their decisions and that's the point.
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:You get to go on their journey
with them and witness their
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:healing and how they grow.
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:As you read their story, you get to
see that there's a terseness in Josiah,
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:and I think if we had not gotten his
point of view in the storytelling,
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:we may not have understood him.
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:And I also think we wouldn't
have liked him as a character.
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:We, as readers, would have misunderstood
that part of his personality.
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:There's a part in the book
where Josiah snaps at Yasmin.
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:And because we're in his point
of view, when it happens,
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:he sees that he's hurt her.
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:He sees I've hurt her, and
he's like, I'm an asshole.
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:And he's asking himself,
how do people do this?
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:Like, it's so hard for me to be with her.
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:They have the rhythm of running
their business together, co
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:parenting their children, It's
a forced proximity of sorts.
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:So he's like, how do people do this?
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:How am I supposed to be with
her, but not be with her?
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:When I thought this was the person I
would spend the rest of my life with.
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:How do people pretend they're
not, you know, that the whole
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:world has not collapsed on them?
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:And they're like, you know
a beam is on their chest.
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:You know, he's like, how
am I supposed to do this?
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:And I feel like that kind of inner
dialogue, not having the benefit of
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:what we wouldn't really understand,
how hurt Josiah is by the divorce
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:and how much he resents losing her.
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:And he has this one line where he
says, I'm really bad at losing you.
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:And what I get from that is
that he's not good at doing life
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:without Yasmin as his partner.
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:Before I Let Go showcases the
complexities of grief, the various
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:ways that people cope with it.
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:Some characters run from grief,
while others confront it head on.
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:Kenny D.
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:Ryan masterfully explores different
types of mourning, from mourning a
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:relationship, to mourning the collapse of
a marriage, and the loss of loved ones.
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:I think it's a testament to the depth
and intricacy of the human experience.
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:One thing that struck a chord
with me personally was the
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:importance of self compassion.
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:Yasmin's journey mirrors my own
experience with my therapist where
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:I've learned to be gentle with myself
because I can be very hard on myself too.
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:I'm a classic firstborn older child
and as I started digging more into
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:that and giving myself grace, forgiving
yourself when you feel like you failed.
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:Before I Let Go beautifully
portrays the necessity of concepts
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:like grace and forgiveness.
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:for Yasmin.
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:but also for the readers who may
resonate with these struggles.
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:There's a lot of on page therapy
in this book, which I think is
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:meant to help normalize therapy.
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:While Yasmin has embraced
therapy, there are two very
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:emotional incidents in this book.
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:They send Yasmin into a very deep
depression, but Josiah really
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:doesn't stop to process his grief
and the cumulative losses, including
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:losing his wife to divorce.
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:It's a lot of loss and Josiah starts
off very resistant to therapy, which is
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:also so relatable because so many people
are resistant to therapy, primarily
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:because they view it as stigmatizing.
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:so I think this was an amazing arc
for the character as a model for those
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:people to see themselves and to see his
growth, to see how much therapy really
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:was a part of Josiah's healing journey.
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:This feels like a romance for grown ups.
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:There's living and life in
their story that I think so
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:many women will connect with.
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:It's a powerful story about a divorced
couple and their reconciliation and
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:then the life that they lived and
built together and how they were
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:able to overcome the hard balls
from life and kind of prioritize
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:themselves in their relationship.
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:As I watch and talk to my close friends
about marriage and life, One thing I
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:learned is that they all come to a point
in their marriage where they're like, Am
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:I going to be able to do this forever?
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:Or, you know, this person
really gets on my nerves, and
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:I really get on their nerves.
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:Or, you know, they just have
those kind of bumps in the road.
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:I think Kennedy Ryan skillfully
crafts this layered narrative,
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:expertly balancing the moments of
heartache with moments of levity.
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:Before I Let Go is an emotional and
powerful tale that will resonate
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:with readers evoking tears, laughter,
and a renewed appreciation for
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:the strength of the human spirit.
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:So that's it for me for now.
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:Thank you again for joining me
on this exploration of Before
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:I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan.
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:I hope I've piqued your interest and
inspired you to dive into this heartfelt
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:and transformative second-chance romance.
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:Join us next time
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:as we uncover more remarkable
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:black romance
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:Octavia Marie: novels.
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:Until then,
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:Octavia Marie: keep reading and
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:embracing the beauty of
love in all its forms.